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Chuck Norris Facts *part 2

Here goes, another 300 of facts on Chuck Norris, enjoy!

1. Chuck Norris is currently working for Milf hunter. Watch out Moms.
2. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris once saved a cat from a tree, which was on fire, while being struck by lightning and bit by sharks at the same time.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Whever Chuck Norris has an orgasm, a building explodes.
6. Chuck Norris is what happens when Bigfoot and the Yeti get drunk.
7. Chuck Norris recently parted the Red Sea, so he could win a bet with God. Chuck is now immortal and is currently debating with God that he could beat him in an arm wrestling match.
8. Chuck Norris once fought 43 midgets and a lion on Pay Per View. After slaughtering the midgets Chuck Norris could not destroy the lion since it was his biological father.
9. Chuck Norris began the Church of England in 1799, back when his nickname was “England”.
10. Kryptonite only makes Chuck Norris stronger. This fact led to the now famous incident when he called Superman a “Pussy”.
11. Defying the greatest physicists of the time, Chuck Norris proved that the Earth is not the center of the Universe, but that in fact he is. To avoid suspicion, Chuck Norris now resides in the center of the Sun.
12. It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris once saved a cat from a tree, which was on fire, while being struck by lightning and bit by sharks at the same time.
14. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
15. Whever Chuck Norris has an orgasm, a building explodes.
16. Chuck Norris is what happens when Bigfoot and the Yeti get drunk.
17. Chuck Norris recently parted the Red Sea, so he could win a bet with God. Chuck is now immortal and is currently debating with God that he could beat him in an arm wrestling match.
18. Chuck Norris once fought 43 midgets and a lion on Pay Per View. After slaughtering the midgets Chuck Norris could not destroy the lion since it was his biological father.
19. Chuck Norris began the Church of England in 1799, back when his nickname was “England”.
20. Kryptonite only makes Chuck Norris stronger. This fact led to the now famous incident when he called Superman a “Pussy”.
21. Defying the greatest physicists of the time, Chuck Norris proved that the Earth is not the center of the Universe, but that in fact he is. To avoid suspicion, Chuck Norris now resides in the center of the Sun.
22. WWI? That never happened. It was Chuck Norris trying to prove to Cheech Marin that Germany was in fact stronger than France after a particularly disasterous game of Risk.
23. Chuck Norris is actually asexual. He reproduces similarly to salmon, in that he lays his eggs, then comes back months later to fertilize them himself.
24. Chuck Norris is single-handedly responsible for the creation of every sexual-education video in history.
25. Chuck Norris once went round the world in 79 days, and promptly dove to a depth of 21000 leagues under the sea. He the hunted down Jules Verne and pimp-slapped the world-renowned author.
26. Much like the porcupine, Chuck Norris floats in water. Also much like the porcupine, Chuck Norris’s facial hair can stiffen into needles, but he finds it difficult to comb his beard that way, and thus abstains from it.
27. Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, “The name’s Norris; Chuck Norris.”
28. Chuck Norris is the secret mastermind behind Bruce Lee’s mysterious death. Close friends report that he thinks he beat his great master to death in an epic battle to determine Earth’s greatest fighter. Those same friends are planning an intervention to send Chuck to an asylum.
29. Chuck Norris declared war on the color orange. And won.
30. Every single person who has ever quoted “Napolean Dynamite” is now on Chuck Norris’ list. Chuck Norris hates that fucking movie.
31. Chuck Norris once played a game of chinese checkers merely by shooting the marbles. Needless to say he hasn’t lost yet.
32. Chcuk Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.
33. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
34. Chuck Norris is considered a prime number in certain schools in Ontario.
35. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
36. When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
37. Chuck Norris masturbates to the sound of kittens crying.
38. At 3:37pm every day, Tokyo has a one minute seven second silence to honour Chuck Norris.
39. Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
40. Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks. Continue reading Chuck Norris Facts *part 2…

Facts on Vin Diesel *part1

I was lurking around on the internet a couple of days ago when i found out that Chuck Norris is not the only one who has a bunch of facts written about him. There are a couple more people who have similar facts as Chuck, i thought facts about Vin Diesel would be an interesting read so here you go, have a nice evening folks.

1. Vin Diesel holds the rank of Major in the Confederated Space Armada.
2. Vin Diesel eats his weight in alfalfa every day.
3. Vin Diesel lives in a castle that he built by hand using bricks made of the compressed souls of the damned.
4. Vin Diesel’s real name is Mortimer Quincy Meriwether, Jr.
5. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that it would be possible to fight two wars at once. Incidentally, Vin Diesel announced that he could fight two whores at once.
6. Vin Diesel invented Dutch Process Cocoa.
7. Vin Diesel can communicate with dolphins.
8. Vin Diesel will kill you by the end of the week.
9. Vin Diesel wrote the guitar solo to Stairway to Heaven.
10. Vin Diesel tried to start a business where he would recharge batteries simply by gripping them in his hands.
11. If you pay close attention to the background of Zoolander, you can see Vin Diesel hog-tying a blue whale through an aquarium window.
12. Vin Diesel’s upper bicuspid is named Thailand and his pectorals are named East and West Berlin.
13. Vin Diesel planned out Michael Jordan’s entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby’s back in 1989.
14. Vin Diesel once challenged James Polk to a race around the world.
15. Vin Diesel wrote all of Iggy Pop’s songs and gave him tips on stage presence.
16. Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik’s cube in 6.7 seconds.
17. Vin Diesel is responsible for single-handedly keeping Quebec part of Canada.
18. Vin Diesel came on Eileen.
19. Vin Diesel’s toast lands butter side up.
20. Vin Diesel made a sextape with Paris Hilton on her Sidekick. He later hacked into it, deleted the sextape, and distributed the rest of her information online.
21. Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote “dirty creatures”.
22. Vin Diesel always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports.
23. When The Transporter needs something transported, he calls Vin Diesel.
24. Vin Diesel already created a cure for AIDS; if only he could read and write.
25. Vin Diesel created the idea for the game of soccer when he would fly a 747 over Hawaii and punt giant bags of kittens out of the plane into Volcanoes below. It is believed that the Pompeii eruption was started this way.
26. Vin Diesel sheds his skin every 40 or so days as a defense mechanism.
27. Vin Diesel lives his life in “bullet-time”.
28. Vin Diesel owns a logging company. His only other employee being a blue ox.
29. Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger.
30. The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was making the world think he doesn’t exist.
31. Vin Diesel has the secret to Cold Fusion but refuses to share until Saved By The Bell is put back on television.
32. Vin Diesel can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
33. In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.
34. Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.
35. Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
36. Vin Diesel hates manatees. He plans to finish them off, as he did with sabre-tooth tigers and wooly mammoths.
37. Vin Diesel was in fact responsible for the American public referring to Football as Soccer.
38. Vin Diesel once invented a plane with no wings. He put wheels underneath it and called it a train.
39. “Vin Diesel” is an anagram of “Devil Sin”. This is not a coincidence - Vin Diesel is in fact the fallen angel Lucifer.
40. Dan Brown was originally going to call his book “The Da Vin Diesel Code” but decided that would give the game away too much.
41. Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa.
42. Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup).
43. Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best.
44. Vin Diesel could never get the hang of Thursdays either.
45. Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.
46. Vin Diesel is actually an incarnation of the Messiah, but he postponed the second coming to film ‘Fast & Furious 3′.
47. Vin Diesel likes to wear PVC because it wipes down easy.
48. Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.
49. Vin Diesel was the culprit who ate Gilbert Grape. He would later describe the experience as “Similar in texture to panda meat , but not without its charms.”
50. Vin Diesel has a baseball cap made entirely out of ham.

And there are much more where these came from, huh.

Daily Facts

Chuck Norris Facts *part 1

Today i will present to you, my dear readers - facts about Chuck Norris.
The Chuck Norris fact story begins in the US, when a fellow Chuck’s fan
makes up a joke that Chuck can infact count to infinity and already did
it twice. The joke was so good it spread around the US the a couple of
days. That led to creation of more “facts” about this “invincible” man.
More and more jokes were made up a bout Chuck until it started spreading
around the globe and even Chuck Norris himself knew about this and talked
about this on TV (even read the facts he liked).

Enjoy the facts.

Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris makes egg salad with ninchucks.
For one day, muscle and beard were living entities, and they conceived Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.
Chuck Norris knows the sound of one hand clapping.
Only Chuck Norris knows if a tree that has fallen in the forest with no one there to hear it makes a noise… and he won’t tell.
Chuck Norris is so hardcore, all of his hair is actually made of fire.
Chuck Norris singlehandledy discovered the fifth element while jacking off to Michael Jackson’s “Beat it”
Chuck Norris has a lever next to his desk which, when pulled, plays a random Conan O’Brian clip.
Chuck Norris was born with his beard.
Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.
Chuck Norris was the 5th face on Mount Rushmore, but when the artist got his nose wrong, Norris karate chopped it off the mountain
Chuck Norris is strong enough to punch through steel, yet delicate enough to cradle a newborn to sleep
Chuck Norris can crush coal into diamonds
Chuck Norris got drunk and fucked the Statue of Liberty, then bragged about it to the Lincoln Memorial.
Chuck Norris played the shark in Jaws
Chuck Norris eats all the cereal featured in those Total commercials. The ones with like 50 bowls stacked full of Raisin Bran. He then spends 3 months in the bathroom, and doesn’t need to eat again until the following spring
Chuck Norris choked the writer of ‘Sidekicks’ to death.
Chuck Norris smells like fresh cut grass
Chuck Norris can fit 5 billiard balls in his mouth
Chuck Norris’s sperm are as big as eels
Chuck Norris has a penis like a Pringles can. When flaccid.
Chuck Norris wrote every song that 50 Cent ever sang.
Chuck Norris is one of the Twelve superhumans that can eat their own heads and live to tell the tale (using sign language).
Chuck Norris filmed all 202 episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger in a day. However, this is not actually an achievement of Norris’, all the episodes were actually assembled using the same 15 minutes of Chuck Norris footage.
While lost in the forest, Chuck Norris had unprotected sex with a grizzly bear, accidently creating the killing machine known as Teddy Ruxpin.
After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of “Sports” by Huey Lewis and the News. Although Chuck failed at building a the Missle Defense System, he did use this as the prototpy for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine.
Night of the Living Dead was based on the aftermaths of Chuck Norris’ “forgotten” film, where every extra and bit part actor was accidentaly killed.
Chuck Norris invented the buffalo, but only to roundhouse kick it in the face.
Chuck Norris was born of the Greek gods Ares and Hermes in a grand session of buttsecks that may never be equaled.
Chuck Norris once kicked so much ass at a breakdancing contest that he created a time-space anomaly that destroyed a large amount of Ninja, Vikings, Pirates, and Lumberjacks.
Chuck Norris once consumed an entire East-Russian villiage in a fit of collosal hunger which may never be equalled…
Every time Chuck Norris sneezes, a third-world contry is annihilated from the face of the Earth.
One time a little girl asked Chuck Norris for some spare change. He kidnapped her, ate her intestines, and published a novel about these events by the title “Where’s Waldo”.
On special occasions Chuck Norris eats the heart of a horse to gain superhuman fly swatting abilities.
The idea for the show “24″ is actually stolen from a drawing Chuck Norris made when he was drunk.
The only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors was a mexican astronaut that went by the alias “Edguardo the Magnificent”.
Chuck Norris invented puppies.
Chuck Norris’ incredible dance moves were the inspiration for the popular scene from Napoleon Dynamite. A copyright infringement suit was reccommended, but Chuck decided to just kill Jon Heder.
Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.
Chuck Norris once ate a Mongolian child’s brain with his nipples.
Rumour has it that the semen from Chuck Norris’ six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to eat, but he does it anyways to be cool.
If you rearrange the letters in “Jesus Christ” you get “Chuck Norris”, but you have to try really hard.
Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
Chuck Norris only drinks the blood of his enemies, but cleverly disguises it as water and other beverages.
One time a 3rd grader tried to impress Chuck Norris by burping the alphabet. In turn Chuck belched the entire script for the show Cowboy Bebop.
Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces.
Chuck Norris’ incredible dance moves were the inspiration for the popular scene from Napoleon Dynamite. A copyright infringement suit was reccommended, but Chuck decided to just kill Jon Heder.
Chuck Norris once talked in his sleep. The words he said were recorded in a classified government document and sent straight to the president. The No Child Left Behind Act stems from this document.
Chuck Norris once ate a Mongolian child’s brain with his nipples.
Rumour has it that the semen from Chuck Norris’ six-foot wang can cure leukemia, especially in small children.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have to eat, but he does it anyways to be cool.
If you rearrange the letters in “Jesus Christ” you get “Chuck Norris”, but you have to try really hard.
Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
Chuck Norris only drinks the blood of his enemies, but cleverly disguises it as water and other beverages.
One time a 3rd grader tried to impress Chuck Norris by burping the alphabet. In turn Chuck belched the entire script for the show Cowboy Bebop.
Chuck Norris eats pencils and markers for breakfast, and he shits out masterpieces.
Chuck Norris once visited the great northwestern redwood forests and had his penis mistaken by a tour guide for a giant sequoia.
The Book of Revelations was actually written by Chuck Norris in a moment of prophecy.
Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you have seen in your entire life.
Chuck Norris is accurate to within 1 second in a million years.
Chuck Norris was once fed music staff paper on accident. When he defecated later that night, the remains of the paper was a beautiful piece. He gave it to his friend Beethoven, who called it his fifth symphony. Chuck was angry that Beethoven had not given him any of the money he made, so he shot Beethoven in the ear, resulting in deafness.
Chuck Norris invented the internet. When a group of computer geeks said it was their invention, Chuck went to destroy their hometown. What he found was weapons of mass destruction, which he used to destroy the land of the geeks. He named it “Iraq”, because he forgot how to spell “I rock”.
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Continue reading Chuck Norris Facts *part 1…