Daily facts, Amusing, Fun, Funny Daily Facts

Chuck Norris Facts *part 5

Here comes another episode of “Don’t fu*k with Chuck”! Enjoy!

In an alternate universe, the clean-shave Chuck Norris of the 1970s is engaged in an epic battle with the bearded Chuck Norris of the 80s and 90s. The result of this conflict is the Aurora Borealis.

1. When Meatloaf said he’d do anything for love, but he won’t do that, he was talking about looking Chuck Norris directly in the eye.
2. Wolverine from the X-men is based entirely on Chuck Norris and was originally called “Chuck Norris” instead. When Chuck Norris threatened to sue for the use of his likeness, they cut off his beard, gave him a queer hair cut, and called him Wolverine. This allowed them to keep the parts that are true, like the ability to heal, the claws, and the adamantium skeleton.
3. If Chuck Norris were a nation, he would be the world’s fifth largest economy.
4. Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds.
5. Chuck Norris once dressed up as a wuss for Halloween by wearing loose fitting pants and shaving his beard. Whenever a homeowner would give him Smarties while trick or treating, he would yell, “I loathe Smarties!” and roundhouse kicked them in the throat. Chuck Norris’s beard grew back by the third house, and this will go down as the most unconvincing Halloween costume in history. Chuck was 38 at the time.
6. When you look back and see only one set of footprints, that’s when Chuck Norris was carrying you.
7. Rumors claim the dinosaurs were wiped out by a massive comet. This is false. Chuck Norris simply roundhouse kicked all of them into oblivion.
8. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Professor X. Thats how he ended up in a wheelchair.
9. The only reason World War II occured was because Chuck Norris was taking a nap.
10. Antibodies are not the cure for polio, doctors actually inject paients with Chuck Norris’ sperm to roundhouse kick the disease.
11. If the coach had put Chuck Norris in in the fourth quarter, they would have won state. No doubt about it.
12. If you unscramble the letters in “Chuck Norris” you get “Huck corn, sir.” That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
13. Chuck Norris likes to dress up in a “Barney” suit and visit the local kintergardens. When the happy little children ask Chuck to sing a song he roundhouse kicks the shit out of them, removes his mask, and says, “I’m not a jukebox, you little fucker.”
14. Chuck Norris once quit smoking by roundhouse kicking a tabacco company CEO in the head, simultaneously inventing the phrase “kick the habit”.
15. Recently historians discovered an additional book of the bible, there is now Mark, Mathew, Luke, John, and Chuck Norris.
16. Chuck Norris once killed a 10,000 pound bear, tore it into 10,000 pieces, and then fed it to a school of salmon just because he enjoyed the irony.
17. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Jimmy Hoffa into the future. In the year 2052, Hoffa will reappear and fly through the windshield of a flying car.
18. Chuck Norris once copied the answers to a worksheet in Biology. A black kid noticed this, and told him he had just gotten G points. Chuck asked the kid what were G points. The kid replied with, “Gangsta points!” Upon hearing this, Chuck Norris thought back to his days as a kid in Fresno. So he stabbed the kid with a knife and roundhouse kicked him in the face, now he has 50 G points.
19. Chuck Norris once breast-fed Dolly Parton.
20. Chuck Norris found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq by looking in a mirror.
21. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear pants or shoes. He was born with denim-coated legs and feet made of fine leather.
22. Chuck Norris considered the movie “Sin City” a chick flick.
23. Chuck Norris makes beef jerky by roundhouse kicking cows so hard that moisture leaves their body.
24. Chuck Norris eats babies and shits Delta Force team members.
25. As part of his greatest gift to mankind, Chuck Norris is currently in the process of writing “Hammer Time!” under every stop sign in the universe.
26. One time, while Chuck Norris was filming an episode of “Walker: Texas Ranger”, the production team brought on a guy to hold up cue cards. Norris roundhouse kicked that guy in the pancreas, and proceeded to speak every line in the script in perfect Swahili, just out of spite.
27. Chuck Norris didn’t like the end of Superman IV, so broke Christopher Reeves’ neck.
28. In 2001, Chuck Norris kicked off Alex Trebek’s mustache after not answering in the form of a question.
29. Chuck Norris ended the Civil War with a massive roundhouse kick the he referred to as the Emancipation Proclamation.
30. Originally, the universe was two dimensional. A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris knocked a guy into the third dimension, dragging everything else with it from the force of the blow.
31. Chuck Norris trims his beard with a chainsaw.
32. Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%. And this actually happens with females too.
33. When Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel come within 400 feet of each other, an atomic blast occurs. This is why they can never take a trip to Japan ever again.
34. Chuck Norris was curious to see if the Statue of Liberty was shaved. He found that there was only one other thing thicker than his beard. So in anger he roundhouse kicked the Statue of liberty in the clit. By doing this he gave her such a huge orgasm that the rumble caused Mt. St. Helens to erupt, thus proving the female orgasm is NOT a myth. Thank you Dr. Norris.
35. After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”, Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. “Giant leap, my ass”, Chuck replied.
36. Chuck Norris hated watching Wilford Brimley’s Diabetes commercials so much that he blew a 90 mph load down his throat from 15 miles away. Wilford will never have low blood sugar ever again.
37. Chuck Norris once broke up a huge drug ring. He went and asked, “Who’s in charge around here?” When the man responded, “I am, what of it?” he was met with a swift roundhouse to the face. Chuck Norris then stood over him and said, “Wrong answer. Charles is in charge.”
38. Chuck Norris devised his own STD. On top of that, he doesnt tell women about it until after he punches them in the throat.
39. Chuck Norris photosynthesizes through his beard, which seems to be the source of most of his power. The rest of it stems from a steady diet of virgin girl and mayonaise sandwiches.
40. Chuck Norris goes in through the Out door.
41. Chuck Norris does not know what Willis is “talkin’ bout”. He does however know how much he wants to roundhouse Gary Colmen in the face.
42. Chuck Norris took 3 of every animal on his ark. Then he called Noah a pussy and roundhoused kicked a Minotaur.
43. The highest degree of Masonry is Chuck Norris.
44. Chuck Norris was curious to see if the Statue of Liberty was shaved. He found that there was only one other thing thicker than his beard. So in anger he roundhouse kicked the Statue of liberty in the clit. By doing this he gave her such a huge orgasm that the rumble caused Mt. St. Helens to erupt, thus proving the female orgasm is NOT a myth. Thank you Dr. Norris.
45. After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”, Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. “Giant leap, my ass”, Chuck replied.
46. Chuck Norris hated watching Wilford Brimley’s Diabetes commercials so much that he blew a 90 mph load down his throat from 15 miles away. Wilford will never have low blood sugar ever again.
47. Chuck Norris once broke up a huge drug ring. He went and asked, “Who’s in charge around here?” When the man responded, “I am, what of it?” he was met with a swift roundhouse to the face. Chuck Norris then stood over him and said, “Wrong answer. Charles is in charge.”
48. Chuck Norris devised his own STD. On top of that, he doesnt tell women about it until after he punches them in the throat.
49. Chuck Norris photosynthesizes through his beard, which seems to be the source of most of his power. The rest of it stems from a steady diet of virgin girl and mayonaise sandwiches. Continue reading Chuck Norris Facts *part 5…

Vin Diesel Facts *part2

Another day, new facts, and more facts on Vin Diesel! Not much, but still, 300 facts are something to read while your drinking your morning coffe.

1. Vin Diesel is the son of Nostradamus and Jessica Simpson. It is unclear whether he inherited his good looks from his mother and his intelligence from of his father, or vice versa.
2. Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup).
3. Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best.
4. Vin Diesel could never get the hang of Thursdays either.
5. Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.
6. Vin Diesel is actually an incarnation of the Messiah, but he postponed the second coming to film ‘Fast & Furious 3′.
7. Vin Diesel likes to wear PVC because it wipes down easy.
8. Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.
9. Vin Diesel was the culprit who ate Gilbert Grape. He would later describe the experience as “Similar in texture to panda meat , but not without its charms.”
10. Vin Diesel has a baseball cap made entirely out of ham.
11. Van Diesel was once mistaken for David Copperfield by a street gang and had to perform a random act of magic in order to be allowed on his way.
12. Vin Diesel was originally known as Vin Petroleum, but changed his name following a sponsorship deal with Texaco.
13. Van Diesel could touch type at the age of 3 and by the age of 5 was managing a successful secretarial agency.
14. Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply “I used to be a plate of pancakes.”
15. Vin Diesel cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
16. Vin Diesel owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Vin Diesel head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passerby.
17. The idea for the show “MacGuyver” comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.
18. When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure.
19. It has been proposed by some people that Vin Diesel may not actually exist, and is simply a myth told to children to keep them in line. The reason these allegations are not well known is due to the fact that everyone who makes such allegations is found nude in a field with their skin removed and replaced by “Keep on Trucking!” bumper stickers.
20. Vin Diesel lines his trombone case with the souls of the damned.
21. “Vin Diesel” spelled backwards is “Leseid Niv”. When confronted with this fact in a recent interview, Vin Diesel pulled out a toilet plunger and stuck it to the face of the interviewer in a comical manner. Unfortunately, the interviewer suffocated to death. Vin was promptly arrested for murder, but was released 2 hours later when it was revealed that he is actually Santa Claus and thus has diplomatic immunity.
22. When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess.
23. For Halloween, Vin Diesel cuts down a tree, scoops out the inside, fills it with candy, and then stabs anyone who rings his doorbell. He then eats the candy-filled tree.
24. Vin Diesel sleeps on a bed of live hornets. Every single hornet is named “Pablo”.
25. Vin Diesel’s taste buds are located on his knuckles. Funnily enough, that same spot is his biggest erogenous zone. It is probable that Vin Diesel engineered such deformities himself so as to simultaneously have an orgasm and taste corn when he punches taxidermists.
26. Vin Diesel’s toilet spins counter-clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere.
27. Zeus got the idea for turning into a swan and impregnating women after watching Vin Diesel do precisely that while out drinking with Bacchus.
28. When the founding fathers decided that it would be necessary to coin money, they first had to consult Vin Diesel, who at the time had yet to create metals.
29. Contrary to popular belief, Osama bin Laden was captured in late 2002. This occured when Vin Diesel defeated all of al-Qaeda in a series of arm-wrestling contests. To make it fair, Vin was blindfolded.
30. Vin Diesel has only lost one competition in his lifetime - an eating contest with Kirstie Alley.
31. To prove Hugh Hefner that “it could be done”, Vin Diesel replaced all the members of the senate with identical robots that think and talk exactly the same way.
32. Vin Diesel controls all air traffic via an old SNES Advantage controller.
33. Vin Diesel can take digital photos by blinking,
34. Spelling Vin Diesel backwards out loud will reverse the rotation of the Earth.
35. Vin Diesel created the first designer cologne. It was never mass-producted unfortunately, due to the original being consumed one night when Vin ran out of vodka.
36. All of the characters in the movie “Big Trouble In Little China” were loosely based upon Vin Diesel.
37. Vin Diesel does not need a TV remote, for he can control any television in a 50 mile radius with his right eye.
38. Vin Diesel is actually the voice of Maynard James Keenan, Trent Reznor, Chris Cornell, and Amy Lee.
39. Vin Diesel created Furby, Razor scooters, and pogs.
40. Vin Diesel plays “The King” in Burger King’s Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef.
41. Vin Diesel invented steak.
42. Vin Diesel came up with 97% of the famous quotes from Napoleon Dynamite.
43. “Tom” on MySpace is actually Vin Diesel’s fake account. MySpace was created by Vin Diesel as a science experiment.
44. The crater in the Yucatan Penninsula was created when Vin Diesel’s spaceship ran out of fuel and crashed into the face of the earth.
45. Area 51 is a secret utopian society founded by Vin Diesel, initially founded as a safehouse for his alien bretheren, but later opened to his most loyal followers.
46. Vin Diesel can walk on water, not because he is Jesus, but because the normal force as described by Newton in his modern laws of physics does not apply to him.
47. In order to gain lordship over Hell, Lucifer was forced to sell his soul to Vin Diesel.
48. The hair in your food is all part of a cruel joke Vin Diesel is playing on humanity.
49. Barq’s root beer has oft been called “the one with bite”, and thus far Vin Diesel is the only known being to have successfully bitten it back.
50. Vin Diesel is the reason you touch yourself at night. Continue reading Vin Diesel Facts *part2…

Chuck Norris Facts *part 4

Another 300 of facts on Chuck Norris, you just can’t get enough of them, huh.

1. Chuck Norris was the Fifth Ninja Turtle, but he was kicked out when he refused to wear a protective shell and continued to maintain that “Roundhouse Kick” was the only weapon he needed.
2. Chuck Norris is not a vegetarian. He knows that extended periods of vegetarianism only lead to a multitude of small vaginas growing on your skin until you eventually become a giant pussy.
3. Chuck Norris has no mother. He made himself out of a peice of string, some leaves, and some pointy sticks.
4. Chuck Norris once killed a man, bought him back to life, and then killed him again. When asked why he said, “Did you see the look on his face the second time around? Priceless.”
5. Chuck Norris can charge a cellular phone just by rubbing it against his beard.
6. In 1989, Phil Collins challenged Chuck Norris to a drinking contest. Collins passed out after the 6th shot of moonshine. Chuck Norris went on to drink 12 more shots and a pint of antifreeze just to prove Collins a pussy. This, of course, led to the fall of the Berlin Wall later that year.
7. If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris’s fully erect penis.
8. Chuck Norris will become president in the year 2008 after he beats every member of the electoral college in a 537 to 1 caged death match.
9. The black widow spider is one of the most poisonous spiders in the world. But Chuck Norris doesn’t give a shit. He pops ‘em like candy.
10. The immense force of a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick is beyond comprehension, and in fact is responsible for the tropical weather phenomenon we call a “hurricane”.
11. A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
12. Chuck Norris was originally chosen for the movie Armageddon, but in the end the producers went with Bruce Willis. Because in real life Chuck would have given the killer asteroid a roundhouse kick at the moment it posed any danger. Thus turning the 2.5 hour epic into a 10 minute after school special.
13. The atomic bomb that hit Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris’s most severe and deadly martial arts move. That day he promised to never again do that move. A few days later it was confirmed Chuck Norris occasionally lies.
14. The role of Willy Wonka in the remake of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ was originally offered to Chuck Norris. However, he backed out of the project after the producers rejected his idea of a final fight scene with Charlie in which most of the cast dies.
15. Chuck Norris auditioned for the lead role in the origional ‘Shaft’, but was told he “wasn’t black enough”. In retaliation, he killed Martin Luther King jr.
16. Chuck Norris has a huge penis. It growls whenever it wants to be fed.
17. Chuck Norris reads the facts on this page every day in order to find out whose children he needs to eat. Rumor has it that he comes to your house and devours your kids leg-first so you can hear their screams. And if you don’t have children, he gets you pregnant.
18. Chuck Norris snorts puppies for breakfast. He says it gives him that certain “whoosh” he needs to begin his day.
19. The original title for Star Wars was Skywalker:Texas Ranger starring Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a seagull after the seagull stole his ice cream. Chuck Norris then grabbed the seagull, bit him in half and spit the seagull’s remains into a sleeping baby’s face.
21. Chuck Norris smokes TNT.
22. Chuck Norris made it to the finals of the World’s Softest Punch Contest, and lost. The man who should have won is dead.
23. Chuck Norris sodomized Scooby Doo and every member of “the gang” because Chuck Norris doesn’t support gangs.
24. Chuck Norris cried wolf, only to beat up the villagers who showed up.
25. Chuck Norris is not the second coming of Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was the first coming of Chuck Norris.
26. Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.
27. Chuck Norris always had a heated rivalry with Bruce Lee. When Lee died, they had unfinished business, so Chuck Norris enlisted the aid of Jonathon Silverman and Andrew McCarthy to work as Marionettes and prop up Lee’s lifeless corpse so Chuck could get one last Roundhouse Kick in.
28. Chuck Norris will rip his usb drive out of the port without clicking ‘Safely Remove Hardware.’ He says that such precautions aren’t manly.
29. Chuck Norris once crossed a baby seal lying on the ground injured. He then proceeded to make a delicious sandwich.
30. After he was stumped by a particularly tricky game of “Where’s Waldo,” Chuck Norris insemenated all of the female characters in the picture. Nine months later, he gathered all of his offspring and formed a renegade band of mercenaries, which he called “Chuck’s Fucks.” Norris still patrols the countryside with his offspring, searching for Waldo.
31. Chuck Norris has never given anyone the finger. However, it is believed that the event could flatten landscape within a 30 mile radius.
32. Chuck Norris was one of many strangers David Blaine came up to and asked “Hi, do you have a minute.” Chuck Norris thought this was an attempt to get him alone and kicked the shit out of David Blaine and stole his deck of cards after.
33. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Toucan Sam for giving, “Shitty directions.”
34. Chuck Norris’ arch-enemy used his stealth mode ability to hide from Chuck Norris in New Orleans. Subsequently, Chuck Norris created Hurricane Katrina to flood the bitch out.
35. Chuck Norris once kickboxed a hobo for seventeen consecutive hours.
36. Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris, not the Florida Supreme Court, made the final judgement on Terri Schiavo’s fate. It was a roundhouse kick to the feeding tube.
37. A mighty crack was heard around the world as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the supercontinent, Pangaea, beginning continental drift.
38. Chuck Norris doesn’t understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
39. Chuck Norris doesnt look at the toilet paper after he wipes.
40. Chuck Norris throws midgets for fun. He used to do it competitively, but it all ended horribly when he killed the pope.
41. Someone once tried to assassinate Chuck Norris’s beard but missed hitting Chuck in the face, Chuck proceeded to beat the holy hell out of the guy using nothing but his penis and elbow, Chuck has since installed security on his beard, with a deflector diverting bullets to his face, since he values his beard more than even his rugged good looks.
42. Chuck Norris can kill a dog in 7 ways, 4 of which involve throwing missiles at it.
43. Chuck Norris once went to jail. The morning after his first night all the inmates, all the guards, and the warden had bleeding assholes.
44. Chuck Norris lucky number is one, becuase thats how many tries it takes him to accomplish any task.
45. If you ever get the chance to play Chuck Norris in Madden football, he will beat you 56-7.
46. Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris, not the Florida Supreme Court, made the final judgement on Terri Schiavo’s fate. It was a roundhouse kick to the feeding tube.
47. A mighty crack was heard around the world as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the supercontinent, Pangaea, beginning continental drift.
48. Chuck Norris doesn’t understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
49. Chuck Norris doesnt look at the toilet paper after he wipes.
50. Chuck Norris throws midgets for fun. He used to do it competitively, but it all ended horribly when he killed the pope. Continue reading Chuck Norris Facts *part 4…

Chuck Norris Facts *part 3

Another 300 of facts about Chuck Norris, you just can’t get enough of them, can you?

1. In 1979, Chuck Norris became the first black man to win the New York Marathon.
2. When boiled in hot water, the hair from Chuck Norris’s beard turns into crack cocaine.
3. While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can’t do that, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
4. Chuck Norris only wears shirts that are made in Bangladesh, by children slaves.
5. Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade.
6. Chuck Norris is the reason you have a penis.
7. The evolution theory states that everything evolved from one living being. Chuck Norris is that living being.
8. Chuck Norris NEVER loses at the game “Operation”.
9. It is well known that Chuck Norris weightlifts a lot, but it is not well known that he refuses to weightlift unless he is skydiving from 45,000 feet, without a parachute.
10. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, “Don’t come near me mother fucker or I’ll roundhouse kick the shit out of you.” The phrase has since been changed to, “Don’t mess with Texas.”
11. It never rains on Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
13. A dingo didn’t eat her baby, Chuck Norris did.
14. Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
15. The only time Chuck Norris fucked up, was when he thought he fucked up.
16. Chuck Norris will be cloned in the 31st Century and defeat the invading aliens by playing the theme from “Walker, Texas Ranger” on the largest sound system the resistance can find.
17. If Chuck Norris looks you in the eye, you will explode.
18. In 1979, Chuck Norris swallowed a woman’s uterus whole. Later that year he gave birth to Vin Diesel.
19. Before Chuck Norris shoots a scene for “Walker, Texas Ranger”, he eats two bowls of Cheerios garnished with Cocaine.
20. Chuck Norris’ penis has a toe nail.
21. Whenever you walk into a diner, be sure to tell em’, “Chuck Norris sent me.”
22. Chuck Norris invented the moon. Twice.
23. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
24. Chuck Norris caused the 80’s band Genesis to break up. Not because of artistic differences, but because Chuck Norris demanded that one member of the band follow him around at all times to perform live theme music for his daily life. Phil Collins provides personal favorites “I can’t dance” and “One more night” for Norris’ workouts and a personal montage for trying on funny hats and tank tops. Also, all roundhouse kicks to the face are emphasized with an emphatic “SSussudiO!!!!” Meanwhile, Peter Gabriel croons the Chuck and the ladies to Chuck’s personal love-making tune, “Sledgehammer”.
25. Everything tastes like chicken because its Chuck Norris’ favorite food.
26. If anyone were to watch more than two episodes of Walker Texas Ranger in a three hour period, their TV will explode due to “Awesomeness Overload”.
27. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. Chuck Norris came first.
28. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter. And he’ll roundhouse kick your ass if you say otherwise.
29. Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
30. The reason men castrate themselves is because they’re afraid of getting kicked in balls by Chuck Norris.
31. Chuck Norris is listed on the New York stock exchange.
32. Chuck can reverse his eyeballs 180 degrees allowing him to see inside his own brain, thus rendering his opponent useless as he can anticipate any possible attack scenarios.
33. Chuck Norris’ hair is more addictive than heroin.
34. Chuck Norris has a house that is in fact round.
35. Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a lighter weight and work his way up.
36. Chuck Norris can make your nose bleed with his mind.
37. Chuck Norris’ beard once had it’s own series on daytime TV. The beard gave advice to quarreling couples on how to resolve their differences. Unfortunately it was axed after the beard advised one man to rip off one of his wife’s arms and make her stir his soup PROPERLY.
38. Chuck Norris fucked your wife while you were out of town on a business trip. Tough shit.
39. Chuck Norris can impregnate women by simply raising his right eyebrown. He can impregnate men by raising his left eyebrow but he doesn’t bother because he doesn’t want a world like that crap Ahnuld film “Junior”.
40. Chuck Norris did not shoot the deputy or the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the crap out of both of them. Continue reading Chuck Norris Facts *part 3…